The Counseling Steps

My Counselor
Living Life Guided by The Holy Spirit
Thomas Lee Abshier, ND
Christian Counselor, Naturopathic Physician, Political Philosopher

Living life with grace & harmony

Thomas Lee Abshier, ND
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Christian Counselor

Naturopathic Physician

Political Philosopher & Author

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Marriage & Personal Counseling

Medical Consultations

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1414 NE 109th Ave.

Portland, Oregon

(503) 255-9500
naturedox@qwest.net
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The Counseling Steps
Rapport, Confrontation, & Change
By: Thomas Lee Abshier, ND

1) Rapport, Confrontation, and Change are processes that inherently comprise all conversation and counseling. Relationships that walk together in the same space must accommodate differences in personality and taste. Rapport must be engaged to defuse the defenses of the spirits that occupy the human heart. Confrontation is the process of identifying and embracing the fact of error. And, Change is the process of manifesting new behavior. We shall assume that spirits occupying the heart are there to produce good change eventually because of the promise of scripture. “Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” But, these promised beneficial changes only come when we engage in both faith and works. Throughout the Counseling process, Rapport, Confrontation, and Change are fully intermixed within each other. And, when a couple (spouses, friends, or counselor/counselee) has a great deal of implicit mutual understanding and trust, the formal sequence can be abbreviated to include only minor amounts of rapport, rapid confrontation, and quick suggestions to change. But, be careful to not assume more understanding and enrollment than is actually present, especially in troubled relationships. Mirroring, and checking in with the other person insures that we are in fact speaking into a place of rapport. When we talk about change, we imply a standard of proper and perfect behavior, thought, and speech. As such, we must develop the proper relationship with God first, and use that model as our standard for relations with our fellow man. We can get insight into the absolute standards of right relationship by studying the laws of nature, observing the play of life, feeling our senses and conscience, and by meditating deeply on the principles underlying the Biblical Scripture. Meditate on the words and nature of God (rapport), allow your heart to be convicted (confrontation), and make changes in your thought, word, and deed (change).

a) Rapport is the foundation of all relationship. It involves speaking kindly and in the proper time. Rapport is begun by understanding the basis (reasons) for a person’s feelings, continues building as we feel their pain empathically, and completes when they feel/know our empathy. Rapport is the process of establishing a heart connection, a bonded mutual caring. Rapport allows us to trust enough to listen, hear, and be convicted by the Confrontation of another person’s truth.

b) Confrontation is the process of bringing a person to the point where they recognize the need to change, and want to adopt new actions, speech, reasons, and feelings. Confront what you believe to be errors of thought, speech, and action, but only after having established the rapport of knowing their pain. Confrontation is complete only when the other is convicted on a deeply felt, heart-level understanding of their error. Ultimately all confrontation is an inside job, a conviction within ones self about the need for change. Confrontation requires a standard of excellence. facts about the present condition, a recognition of difference, and a conviction of the need to change.

c) Change is the process of actually adopting the new desired standard of life. A friend, spouse, or counselor facilitates the most rapid change by going slow. Make incremental changes in behavior. At each step, deeply engage in rapport and confrontation about the current level of performance. Support the person making changes throughout the process of making these incremental changes. The small changes ultimately add together to produce the large change of the desired goal. Feelings may change more slowly than behavior. We have no absolute or direct control of emotions, since they are an integrated body-response to life circumstances. Feelings change as circumstances, habits, and beliefs/habits/expectations change. Do your best to change your thoughts, words, and deeds, and have faith that God will change the feelings and circumstances of life. Again, faith and works together are required for transformational change.