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Thomas Lee Abshier, ND
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Destructive Speech

By: Thomas Lee Abshier, ND

 

Avoid destructive speech.  Do not diminish the other person’s value with depreciating tactics such as ridicule and name-calling.  

a) Every human values his own perspective and loves himself.  We are all tempted to act out according to the seductive pleasure of pride.  

b) The soul views life through the window of the senses, and this perspective easily places him at the center of the universe.  Self-centrism is the most obvious and natural human perspective.  As such, it is easy to see “my judgments” as True, and then speak in a condemning way toward others who differ.

c) We can likewise fall prey to the polar perspective of feeling insignificant.  We are one among billions, error prone and the vastness of time and time makes our contribution small by comparison.  The framework of eternity, and a vast universe of planets, stars, and galaxies can leave us feelings small and frail.  We can easily fall into self-doubts, inferiority, and fears.  

d) Our spirits are eternal and made in the image of God.  We have been given the ability to feel, compute, and perceive, just like God, but without the same scope of vision and power.  We were given a script for our life, which we may follow, but the distractions, failures, and difficulties of life make it hard to stay on track of our perfect script.  We have abilities and deficiencies that make us unique.  We imprint out soul based on the successes and failures of life, attempting to avoid pain by habitually choosing non-painful strategies.  Our bodies were made from dust; we are fallible, judge imperfectly, recall inaccurately, and fall prey to spirits that tempt and pressure us toward ineffective expression.  

e) Speech has power in that it organizes and mobilizes the minds of those who hear and feel our message.  Destructive speech discourages and programs people with debility and wrong direction.  Pain-inducing speech is meant to move people and away from wrong or boundary violating behavior.  It may also be used to boost the ego by giving the sense of power in destruction, or status based on pushing another lower.  All such behaviors are tempting, but should be resisted.  Use the same techniques of changing habits, dwelling on positive patterns, and resisting negative patterns of TSA.

 

Avoid Harsh Speech: Speak kindly, politely, and softly.  Avoid nagging, yelling, or whining.  Nagging implies wearing down resistance by irritation.  Yelling causes soul-pain in the listener, and its pressure produces compliance.  Whining implies victimization and injustice, and appeals to the sense that your behavior was unfair and hence my request should be honored to restore justice.  Kindness is a reflection of the heart’s posture of honoring the other person’s heart as precious, fragile, and independent.  Politeness and manners are the tools of the man of high character and Godly values.

 

Avoid obsessive faultfinding: Resist adopting a critical or depreciating spirit.  We are all imperfect in our performance.  Even with the best of intentions, and strongest effort, we will fall short at times.  Be compassionate for the character deficiencies of others.  Remember that, “But for the grace of God, there go I.”  Deficiencies, errors, and wrong values should be confronted with the minimum force, and a compassionate spirit.  In general, speak with personal ownership of judgment rather than assuming the posture of the absolute condemnation of God.  There is a time to confront wrong thinking, violations, and evil with strength, but exhaust all the other avenues of enrollment before applying hard confrontation.

 

Avoid one upmanship: Do not tell your story after hearing theirs, and say how much more painful, skillful, important, etc, your experience was in comparison.  When a person talks of their pain, appreciate it on its own merit.  Give empathic consideration of their story, especially if it is relating to their sense of offense and hurt relating to you.  One upmanship can be used to minimize my offense, and implicitly command them to forgive and forget my offense because of the minimal nature of the offense in the big picture.  

 

 

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