My Counselor
Living Life Guided by The Holy Spirit
Thomas Lee Abshier, ND
Christian Counselor, Naturopathic Physician, Political Philosopher
Living Life Guided by The Holy Spirit
Thomas Lee Abshier, ND
Christian Counselor, Naturopathic Physician, Political Philosopher
Living life with grace & harmony
Thomas Lee Abshier, ND
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Christian Counselor
Political Philosopher & Author
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Marriage & Personal Counseling
Medical Consultations
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1414 NE 109th Ave.
Portland, Oregon
(503) 255-9500
naturedox@qwest.net
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Seminars, Books, Articles
Audio & Video
Marriage
By: Thomas Lee Abshier, ND
By: Thomas Lee Abshier, ND
1) Marriage: A state of commitment to mutually share the circumstances and experiences of your lives. The bodies are separate, but the Thoughts, Speech, and Actions (TSAs) of each affect the happiness of the other. To achieve and maintain love, habitually express your TSAs to mutually meet his/her Righteous needs. Properly balance giving and taking, truly care about his/her welfare and happiness, never compromise on Godliness, be realistic about what life and humans can offer, open your spiritual eyes to see the potential perfection within, live with the faith and hope that the perfection will manifest in all areas of life, and be patient.
2) Being “In Love”: What is it, and what makes it happen? Robert J. Sternberg, Ph.D. states, “Love has three components:
a) Intimacy, which encompasses the feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bonding that one experiences in loving relationships;
b) Passion, which encompasses the drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation;
c) Decision/Commitment, which encompasses in the short term, the decision that one loves another, and in the long term the commitment to maintain that love.”
3) The Triumphant Marriage: The following is a list of attitudes, behaviors, and habits that create an environment favorable to developing a mutually joyous experience in marriage. The following list is modified from Neil Clark Warren’s book, “Learning to Live With the Love of Your Life.”
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Construct a vision of everything you believe your marriage can be.
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A triumphant marriage requires two strong skillful thoroughly committed partners.
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Spouses in a solid relationship have complete faith in each other.
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A triumphant marriage requires two emotionally healthy people.
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Maximize passion and romance.
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Become masters of good communication.
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Conflict is inevitable, so learn to handle it productively; work it through to a mutually satisfactory resolution.
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Negotiate a mutually satisfying sexual relationship; great sex builds intimacy in marriage.
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Recognize the role of children and friends in making your marriage triumphant; get connected with the world outside of the couple.
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Partners in a great marriage find significance in their spiritual lives; pursue exploring spirituality and its meaning in your life and life in general.
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Express your gratitude to each other until it becomes habitual.
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Work at being great friends.
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If you make your lover feel loved, you will significantly strengthen your marriage.
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Learn how to apologize and how to forgive.
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Look for the positive qualities in your mate.
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Create a working partnership with each other.
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Look for the changes in your marriage; they speak eloquently about the quality of your relationship.
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Maintain careful control over your expectations.
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Recognize and celebrate your expectations that have been met. Try to grow from unmet expectations. Strive for mutuality in marriage.
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Experience strong feelings together.
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If you go through suffering together, it will create wonderful possibilities for your relationship.
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Prayer really changes things.
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Renew your commitment especially when the going gets hard.
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Make playtime a regular part of your marriage.
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Communication tends to go well if you do it right.
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Build a workable model for managing conflict with your spouse.
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Learn to share negative and positive feelings without delay.
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Never purposefully embarrass your mate.
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Whenever possible, carefully plan the future of your marriage.
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Don’t be afraid to let your children be your teachers.
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Even though you’re one flesh, your spouse is a separate person.
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Develop your love relationship independent of well meaning and significant people in your life. Leave and cleave, don’t live your life to please parents’ expectations, ideas of what should be done, how to do it, or what is important.
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Work on keeping your love fresh.
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