Living life with grace & harmony

 

Thomas Lee Abshier, ND
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Reprogramming:

Coming to peace with past trauma and current stimuli

Reprogramming thoughts, speech and action

Normalizing emotional responses
By: Thomas Lee Abshier, ND

 

1) Reprogramming Your Reactions to Stimuli: The goal of psychological therapy is to create an effective and rewarding experience of life.  Uncontrolled waves and oceans of emotion can render a life painful for self and others.  Emotions arise out of our conscious and subconscious thoughts in response to internal and external stimuli.  Inappropriate emotions usually indicate the presence of irrational beliefs about life (exceptions to this generality include organic pathologies of various types in the limbic, perceptual, and processing system).  Excessive or deficient emotions are good indicators of conscious and subconscious programming.  In the case of repeated trauma and ritual abuse, the subconscious programming may be very convoluted.  The mind may set up extremely complex systems of erroneous beliefs, denials, protections, avoidances, distortions, and layers of association.  The result of this fracturing of reality can produce the various personality disorders such as narcissistic, borderline, compulsive, histrionic, avoidant, antisocial, etc.  Personality complexes form to organize life in a way that minimizes pain and maximizes pleasure.  The strategies, beliefs and associations can be conscious or subconscious, but if they are irrational or unGodly, they will produce unpleasant thought, speech, actions, and emotions in self and/or others.  Regardless of whether subconscious or conscious processes have created the maladaptations, the first layer of therapy is to identify irrational and erroneous thoughts, beliefs, actions and emotional responses.  This of course implies a co-identification of the corresponding right patterns of thought, speech, action, and the appropriate emotional response to currently problematic situations.  Having understood how life should be lived in a situation, it is necessary to reprogram the current automatic neural response and associated dysfunctional emotional reactions.  Thus, the following strategy for embedding right thought, speech, and action as habit, and the subsequent association of peace and appropriate feelings with that right behavior.

2) Reframing the Past: Coming to peace about traumatic past events using understanding and reframing:

a) Note the presence of an excessive reaction to a current life stimulus.  Such reactions should trigger initiation of this therapy.  (Note: Every life situation has an emotional component, and should be felt with the proper type and intensity of emotion appropriate to that class of situations.)

b) Explore the current situation to determine specifically the aspect of the current situation that created the large emotional response.

c) Explore the past for situations that remind you of the current situation.  Look for a situation that involved a similar type of high emotion where there was pain, trauma, threats, unconsciousness, loss of control, ritual, and/or victimization, etc.  

d) If there are multiple instances of traumatic memories with similar emotional content, then choose any one of the painful memories to focus upon and process in the manner being described.  (Note: This same process will be run on all of the traumatic incidents, so making a list might be helpful so that they are not forgotten and you can just concentrate on the incident that was chosen.)

e) Examine the memory closely for all the meaning, messages, and dynamics involved in the past situation.  Tell the story in its entirety with as much detail as possible.  Look at the story carefully to identify the errors of Godliness used by the perpetrator.  Understand the situation well attempting to fully identify the errors of programming, teaching, and imprinting.

f) Examine the situation to understand the proper patterns of thought, speech, and action that should have been used in that situation.  Judge the perpetrator or situation and see that person/situation as God would see it.  God judges people with the proper amount of judgment and mercy, and He is willing to forgive even the most horrible violations.  God sees how people are blind and seduced by sin and do not see the full picture of truth, and if they accept the atonement of Jesus’ death they can be forgiven and washed clean.  Thus, even the worst sinner can be forgiven if he confesses and humbles himself.

g) Replay the past situation in your mind without changing any of the actual actions or speech of that situation.  But, when you replay it, change your attitude.  See the person as a sinner who can be forgiven for his crime.  

h) After having come to a place of proper attitude toward the incident, where there is peace, forgiveness, and understanding, then focus on actually feeling the experience of being at peace.  Associate peace with the activating stimulus (such as a conversation, situation, person, place…).  Run the situation through your mind and see/feel yourself being at peace (i.e. normal emotions) throughout the entire sequence of the incident.  Repeat this process many times a day, with intensity, for a period of at least 3 weeks

3) Re-experience the Past with Peace: As mentioned above, the most important aspect of this therapy is returning the body-mind to a state of peace.  And, if simply reframing and understanding the past was not enough to fully bring about a body experience of peace, then continue on with the following sequence.

a) Again, talk about the activating situation, understand it well, and resolve the issue by figuring out what would be the right thought, speech and action in that past situation and in similar situations in the future.  Replay a past similar scenario (and eventually multiple scenarios) with this current understanding of adult Godly thought, speech, and action.  The emotional response to thinking about the situations with the new solutions should be moderated and appropriate.  If there is still a strong and irrationally strong emotional response to this situation, then proceed to develop the association with a bodily-felt sense of peace while in that situation.  

b) Again, think about the situation, and play it through fully doing the appropriate, skilled response to the situation.  This can be done internally or role-played with a partner.  Play the situation to the point of the scenario where you feel emotionally activated.  When you feel an undesirable emotional activation, stop the role-play and begin breaking out of that emotional state by using the tools that follow:

i) Get into a “Grounded State” of peace by doing any activity that brings you into the Grounded State, such as: Listening to music, reading the Bible, coming to an understanding of a situation, thinking positive thoughts, deep breathing, etc.

ii) Deep Rhythmic Breathing is a powerful and dependable method of physiologically inducing relaxation and a state of grounded peacefulness  Note: deep breathing for a long period of time can cause hyperventilation and tingling hands.  This is a harmless experience, but it may cause concern if you are unfamiliar with this sensation.  This breathing exercise calms the mind because of its effect on regulating and smoothing the variability of the heart rhythm.  The Deep Rhythmic Breathing involves the following technique:

(1) Deep 4 second inhale, followed by a 4 second exhale, with a slight pause at the top of inhale, and bottom of exhale.

(2) Do this breath until you feel peaceful.  It may take a few seconds or a few minutes to feel the sensation of being at peace and relaxed.

c) After coming to a place of peace, visualize yourself in the emotionally stimulating situation again and playing out the drama that you previously found stimulating.  

i) First identify that there is an inappropriate emotional reaction.  Then identify the irrational beliefs and thinking errors.  Replace those thinking errors with proper behaviors and rewrite the script of the situation, see yourself acting it out appropriately.  Feel the feelings that came up during the time of playing it out with proper thoughts, words, and action.  If inappropriate emotions come up, bring yourself into a state of neutral peaceful emotions.  Talk about the situation some more, look for other factors of fear, abuse, pain, etc. that may have been present in the situation.  Replay the scenario again with this new understanding, proper response, and notice your feelings.  The emotions should be normal throughout the replaying process, and if not, repeat the sequence again.

ii) The above process can be done alone, or acted out with another person.  You can write out a script and read it, or make it up with whatever words and memories come to your mind at the time.  You can do this exercise out loud or silently in your own mind.

iii) Accurately represent the situation that you consider emotionally painful.  Walk through the activating situation moment-by-moment, step-by-step, word-by-word, and interaction-by-interaction.  Include all the triggers in the visualization that cause you to have disturbing thoughts and emotions.

iv) The triggers can literally be anything: the room, the arrangement, the smells, an item in the room, combinations of items, a sound or echo, a particular person, the words, phrases, tone, look, gesture, their response, etc.  

v) The emotions stimulated may be fears, anger, sadness, or gladness type reactions.

vi) As you are replaying the scenario, see yourself responding in the proper way throughout this simulated walk through an emotionally difficult situation.  See yourself doing the right thing, saying the right thing, and thinking the right thing.  Alternatively: just relive the exact same situation as it happened, but frame this whole experience with a perfect understanding of the big picture through an adult Godly lens.

vii) Run through each segment of the drama to the point where you have a strong inappropriate emotional response.  At that point, stop the replay and bring yourself back to the grounded state by doing the deep rhythmic breathing exercise.  With the problematic trigger in mind, and seeing your new response, reassure and reinforce your belief that this is an appropriate response to the events of the situation.  

viii) Keep replaying the scenario until you can consistently play it and have an appropriate emotional response to the mental, verbal, virtual stimuli of the situation.

ix) Give a name and number to this scenario.  Record the contents of this exercise in your growth and relationship notebook.  Include sufficient information about the specifics of the scenario, the pain, the stimulus, the past events, the associated family of similar events, and the process of resolution so that you can recall the lessons associated with it.  Again, keep replaying the activating scenario to the point of being successfully grounded every day for at least 3 weeks.

x) Summary: Record in your notebook all the situations that trigger you.  Resolve the “right thing to do” for each one of them.  Play the scenario through in your mind as an imagination, or with another person as a role-play.  See yourself doing and/or thinking the right thing in the play.  Ground yourself after going through each scenario replay.  Keep going over the scenario until you become emotionally comfortable reliving it with your new attitudes and/or actions.  Repeat each scenario replay daily until it can be done successfully for at least 3 weeks.

4) Thought Control: One of the most important aspects of personal transformation is calming the mind of intrusive thoughts that repeat and cycle with other thoughts.  The intrusive thoughts are experienced internally as words, pictures, and/or feelings.  The troublesome aspects of the intrusive thoughts are ones that they bring up painful emotions that may include worry, dread, fear, regret, and/or anger.  Intrusive thoughts may be set in the past, present, or future and repeatedly cycle.  Intrusive thoughts may initiate from current events, which trigger memories of a past painful experience and the painful emotions associated with those past events.  The intrusive thoughts may then develop into obsessions, which include endless repetitive dwelling on the pain, meaning, and consequences of these past events.  

a) Disturbing thoughts: A few examples of the type of disturbing thoughts that may bother you are: “How did I look?”  “What will happen?”  “What will another person do, and how will it affect me?”  “Did I do that right?”  “Will I be able to do that?”  “What will people think?”  “Thinking about a past experience brings up feelings of pain, fear, anger, etc. that were present in that situation.”  

b) Identifying and Solving the Problem: The first step in stopping the intrusive thoughts is a good description of the thought.  The second step is fully describing the feelings associated with the thought.  The third step is fully understanding why these feelings are present.  The fourth step is developing a rational solution to the problems underlying the situation.  The solution may be a commitment to do something, and/or look at it with a new attitude.  The correct solution brings a sense of peace.  

c) Applying the Solution: The goal is to live life, while doing the normal tasks of life with the normal feelings of life arising in each circumstance.  When an intrusive thought arises, it must be countered with a solution that quenches it with an undeniable Truth.  Once freed of the irrational thought and its associated emotions, return the mind to the normal experience and reaction to life.  That solution must be applied to each thought each time it arises.  In the case of obsession, there may be many thoughts that cycle and lead from one painful consequence to the next.  It is important to then list each of the thoughts in the sequence, and list all the sequences of thoughts, and to solve (identify the Truth) every step along all of the mental loop sequences.  Make a full list of each intrusive thought sequence, with each intrusive thought and its solution identified.  Each time an intrusive thought arises, identify it, look up or remember the solution, and apply that solution as a replacement thought.  Dwell on the solution (the right way of thinking, acting, speaking) in a full-bodied way by seeing, hearing, and feeling yourself in that new solution state, and then go about living life.  If a new intrusive thought then comes up, stop life for a moment, identify it, apply the solution to it in a full-bodied way and then return to normal life.  Remember the goal is to be involved with the normal tasks of life, and stopping the intrusive thoughts is simply a corrective therapy that stops one from being distracted from the normal processes of life.  Thus, the most important part of this entire process is engaging in normal life activities.  The process of identifying, solving, and applying the solution is a therapy to calm the mind of intrusive thoughts.  But, the goal is filling your life up with normal life, and the thoughts, words, and feelings that should arise while living normal life.

5) Reframing: Reframing involves looking at situations as having a different meaning or significance.  Putting things in their proper perspective is a strong tool for invalidating irrational beliefs and allowing the emotions to calm down because of seeing things in a proper light.

a) Examples:  Reframe a potentially bad outcome by saying, “What is the worst that could happen?  How bad will that be in the scope of my life?  The worst that can happen is that I die, and I’ll be with the Lord.  How big a deal will this be in 1, 5, 20, or 100 years, or at the judgment seat of God?”  Or, after it already happens say, “It could have been worse.”

b) Reframe in terms of Righteousness and Justice: The term “reframing” is a modern psychological term, but it is the same process reflected in the Holy Bible.  (Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.)  If you are trying to do good things, and bad outcomes happen anyway, then look for the lesson, apply it, and that new wisdom will produce an eventual good outcome.  Expecting good outcomes from doing evil is absurd, since punishment should be expected for purposeful evil.  But, intentionally doing good, loving, and minding my own business doesn’t always produce joy, pleasure, and health, although this is the horse to bet on for happiness.  Bad things happening are part of life; there are too many factors and forces to control and optimize in the short term.  No strategy produces a sure outcome, and the scales of justice do not balance at every moment.  Those are realities of life, accept it, get used to the intermittent pain of injustice, everything will turn out well if you continue to serve goodness.

c) Not being loved: Situation: I’m afraid of performing or talking, being vulnerable and being known because people may not like/love me, and then I’d feel terrible about not being loved.  1) If I do something, and I don’t do it right, and I’m not loved, then I should learn from it.  Reframing the experience of rejection becomes an opportunity to overcome my dysfunctional habits by seeing what didn’t work, isolating it, becoming skilled in relationship, and reaping the rewards of right behavior.  2) If I do relationship well and don’t get loved, then I should explore the experience of the other person.  Many alternate frames could rationalize the lack of appreciation I felt.  Maybe they didn’t understand or see my performance.  Possibly they were confused, had something going on internally, or misjudged my intention.  If goodness is understood but rejected, consider confronting the disparity of values overtly as a final effort at enrollment.  If that fails, then consider leaving the relationship to focus on giving to others who are more like-minded and appreciative.  Thus, even in a bad situation, one can distill elements of goodness from it.  Thus, the outcome of “not being loved” can result in a new and better framing of the situation or relationship, and life will have an improved quality.

d) Being loved too much: Every action has within it a benefit and a cost, a blessing and challenge.  The normal response to being loved is pleasure, fulfillment, and a satisfied heart.  But, for those who have been hurt by relationship, the pain of broken relationship, or being used in relationship may create abnormal reactions.  The other side of the experience of love is the fear of losing love, the demands of commitment if one obligates to the contract, or the implied contract of the beloved who assumes and imposes terms upon the contract without consent.  

i) Situation 1) If I perform or speak well, then I may be expected to continuously perform at that same high level, and the stress of continuous flawless virtuoso performance may be overwhelming.  

(1) Reframe: If the stress of extreme performance is too great, I must communicate my limitations, and renegotiate the terms of the contract.  I must accept the natural consequences a lesser performance such as: less pay, responsibility, adulation, and demand for my service.  The cost of reducing performance is real, but I trade those costs for reducing stress and accept the benefit for the cost.  

ii) Situation 2) If I perform or speak well, then too many people may demand my attention and consume my life.  

(1) Reframe:  If fame or need becomes too great, then I can moderate the disturbing effects of that gift by applying boundaries to my life.  I must expect that people will understand the validity of having limitations.  I must resist the temptation to fear loss, rejection, guilt, and judgment by people who have no authority over me, and to whom I have no responsibility to perform to their level of expectation.  I must develop the courage to risk misunderstanding by people who are self centered.  I must be willing to let people have their own self-inflicted pain in their desire for attention or performance, but have no right to make their desire a demand.  

e) Losing Love once found: The human heart desires relationship, and feels loss once bonded.  Consider the Situation: Avoiding relationship because of the fear of pain if the love was lost after having been satisfied.  

i) Reframe the Fear: Loss, grief, and sadness are necessary parts of the emotional spectrum.  If bonding occurs, then loss will happen, this can be stated with certainty.  The specific time and circumstances are unknown, but an end will come.  Life was built with pleasure and pain inextricably bound.  Surrender into the reality of the unavoidable polarities of life, and resist the seductive temptations of false expectations.  Accept the fact of the bonded nature of suffering and pleasure, and rejoice in His miraculous wisdom and marvelous designs embedded in the creation.  God has created the polarity of emotional states to give value to each experience.  Relationship without a cost is cheap, and the sorrow of separation makes it precious, significant, and real.  We must honor God’s plan and construction of life, which includes seasons of pleasure and pain.  Each moment, situation, and chapter of life automatically includes both positive and negative experience either potential or realized.  Some situations appear mostly joyous, and others full of sorrow and pain, but the polarity is always present at every moment.  The invisibility of the opposing emotion or experience at the moment gives texture and distinction to the flow of life, but over time both sides will appear.  Any given pleasure will eventually end, and emptiness, loss, and sorrow will take its place at the appropriate moment.  (John 11:34 And He said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to Him, "Lord, come and see."  Jesus wept.  Then the Jews said, "See how He loved him!")  Likewise, all pain will end eventually, and there will be a reciprocal time of joy, relief, or victory at overcoming, learning, or enduring that season.  Life necessarily contains both polarities, first to illuminate the existence of the other, and second to provide richness, meaning, consequence, and cost to the experience of life.  Courage is required to face the unavoidable and necessary cycle of pain and pleasure.  Resist the temptation to avoid one, or be addicted to the other.  Life will proceed with its normal cycles, and our hearts will feel the emotions of each trough and peak – resistance is futile.  Don’t pretend you are special or unusually blessed; don’t embrace false doctrines that promise nothing bad will ever happen in your life if you have enough faith or believe.  Life will have positive and negative, light and dark, pleasant and painful times.  Embrace the challenge when it comes – it will eventually end.  Endure the intervals of testing, press through the discouragement, loss and pain.  Look for any possible advantage or blessing hidden as possible sequelae of the current event.  Give thanks and praise for the good plans that God has for this life and/or the one to come.  Have faith that life will ultimately bloom more richly with joy, depth, and meaning.  Life cannot always be easy or pleasurable – the nervous system, spirit, and the construction of the creation will not allow it.  The experience of pain is inherent to the human experience; learn to appreciate the bitter tastes of life, they give richness to experience.  Accept all the polarities and surrender to the fact that life includes elements of: 1) learning, 2) testing, and 3) the simple joys of experiencing a journey of relationship.  We were created as souls with free will.  Spiritual forces operate in each circumstance to tempt us, and others were ordained at birth to operate throughout life.  We learn skills from the experience of life, teachers, and direct spiritual guidance.  We are given the opportunity to embrace Godliness in our choices, and thus benefit now and through eternity by the character we develop.  Character, habits, discrimination, and judgment are tested throughout our life track.  The mature, Godly, and committed will resist, and those who succumb will experience the pain of failure.  No failure is ever final, but the pain of failure is the natural feedback that informs us of Godliness.  Life is the process of being in relationship with God.  In days where Godliness is honored by choosing His way, the life journey is filled largely with actual joy and good fortune.  In Godless and rebellious times when the general culture rejects sound and Godly doctrine, the Righteous will receive persecution for their goodness.  These are times to praise God anyway; the reward will be great.  (Matthew 10:10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  "Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.  "Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.)  (Mark 10:29 And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's, but he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.  But many that are first shall be last; and the last first.)  Simply enjoy the experience of feeling life and the love of a life lived together with God, self, and others.  Celebrate the miracle of life with its dramas, laws, polarities, ambiguity, free will, characters and props.  They are all necessary elements and make life possible – hold them all in awe.  Sorrow, loss, and pain are not an accidental part of the creation, nor are they an unexpected virus that infected the creation through the wily schemes of rebellious angels.  The entire play of life with the full spectrum of emotions was part of the knowledge of good and evil, and God intended us to overcome the temptation to rebel.  (Romans 8: 18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.  For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God.  For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.  For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now.  Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body.)  The joyous life with God before the Fall was joyous, and life in Heaven will be glorious.  But, an actual celebration of victory comes only after the fight.  Just as God overcame the forces of darkness, we must mature in our fight against the spirits of decay, boredom, rebellion, and death.  (John 3:3  And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.)  In so doing we become peers, true companions, true loving and suffering colleagues and compatriots in the battle against the entropic forces of dissipation that must be inherent to the pre-creation universe.  In our battle, the metaphorical and miniature struggle of our lives recapitulates the struggle of learning, commitment and overcoming that He walked.  God’s battle against evil may have once been a life and death war for the actual domination of the universe, but that battle was won and the fate of the universe was sealed by the sacrifice and passion of Jesus at the moment of His final breath.  (John 19:30  So when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, "It is finished!"  And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit.)  To simply be alive, to experience the ebb and flow of life’s passions, to think, act and feel is irrefutable evidence that we live inside a miracle.  We cannot comprehend or measure the blessing of having the human form and spirit through which to live.  We can only stand in awe and thanks for the opportunity to exist.  We could have been angelic, demonic, plant, animal or earth, but we were given the gift of life.  How was I so blessed?  How can I give my thanks?  Imagine creating a body, mind, soul, spirit and physical universe, and the difficulty of making a world with rules that truly allowed free will, emotions, and action.  Imagine making a creation out of the void, and creating a world where living life would be worthwhile.  Remember the void is still there, we came from it, and the nature of the universe and creation is still literally nothingness.  (Gen 1:1  In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.  The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep.)  God deserves every measure of praise for creating all the polarities of emotion to give us the possibility of a full and meaningful experience in a pre-creation that had no meaning, love, or life.  Learning gives us the potential for movement and an ever-increasing possibility of joy and interest.  Ultimately, embracing the reality of life and all its polarities gives us a greater love for God, and an appreciation for His magnificence, wisdom, miraculous power, and sovereignty.  All the polarities of action and emotion are necessary for life to even exist and be worthy of participation.  Our suffering is part of the cross we must bear to experience the fullness of life.  (Luke 14: 27  "And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.)  The struggle and pain is our duty to endure and enjoy in a worshipful way.  The suffering and polarities are necessary parts of God’s drama and His creation – surrender into it, embrace its bittersweet joy and sorrow; live with constant thanksgiving and praise for the privilege of being part of His magnificent creation.